Fill up your cup first and notice how your pleasure capacity increases
by Bia Bliss
I find it amazing that most people out there who are in relationship rely on the other person to give them pleasure. When the other partner is not in the mood for whatever reason, the person feels rejected and over time tension and resentment may arise. Some people end up looking for fulfilment elsewhere, and that’s when things can get icky.
What if each person took charge of their own pleasure, and were responsible for filling up their own cup? If you have ever been in an airplane, the safety announcement goes “put on your oxygen mask first before assisting anyone else”. What if we take the same approach when it comes to pleasure?
When I was younger, I have always relied on another person to give me pleasure. I didn’t start masturbating until I was in my twenties, and that looked like porn and vibrator for 5 minutes, and that’s it. Whenever I didn’t have a partner for a period of time (usually a couple of months), I would have unfulfilling sex with a random person, because I had no idea that I could please myself.
In my early thirties I learned about self-pleasuring. A concept that was foreign to me. My understanding of self-pleasuring was all about “getting off”and having an orgasm. If I didn’t, I was frustrated and considered that “session”a failure. It was all about genital touch, and nothing else.
The self-pleasure practice is about taking the time to connect with the body, by taking deep breaths. Adults are shallow breathers, and taking deep breaths requires some work. On top of that, no genital touch is allowed in the beginning. I was told that the entire body is an erogenous zone, but it took me a while to get used to it. And one of the reasons was because I never bothered to touch my body with curiosity. All the touch I received was always from someone else.
Fast forward a few years, I have become the queen of self-pleasure, and have created my own modality of the practice. I call it Pleasure Awakening.
This is what you need to know to connect with yourself, and fill out your cup.
- BREATH
I know you are breathing, otherwise you wouldn’t be here right now, but have you ever stopped to think about the quality of the breath you are taking? As mentioned above, most people are shallow breathers, and they breathe just enough to survive. That’s the reason why most people are so disconnected from their body and their sexuality.
Take deep breaths. A full inhale, and a looong exhale through your mouth. On the exhale, use the back of the throat, as if you were sighing. I know this may seem strange at first, but it is the quickest way to get out of your head and into your body.
2. TOUCH
Most people tend to go straight to the genitals when they think about self pleasure. The entire body is an erogenous zone, and if you take the time to get acquainted with it, you will be very surprised (in a good way!). Using your fingertips, begin by touching your face. Explore your face like you have never seen a face before. Do this with your eyes closed, and focus on the sensations. Touch every inch of your face, and notice what comes up for you. While you are doing this, remember to keep breathing deeply, as the breath is the key to delicious sensations in the body. After a few minutes, start touching your neck, chest, torso, arms, legs. The goal of this practice is sensation, and not getting off.
3. SOUND
A lot of people have blockages around making sounds, and that goes back from childhood. Sound is your friend, it creates space in the body. It also enhances the sensations, because it makes the entire body vibrate. Start with a sigh, as if you are feeling relieved after a long, stressful day. Play with the length of the sigh, and observe what comes up for you.
The practices described here are the foundation to a healthy self-pleasure practice. You may be wondering how come I didn’t mention the genitals here. That’s because you are conditioned to touch the genitals and to get a very specific type of pleasure out of it.
Everyone’s journey is different, and some people “get it”straight away, and others have a difficult time connecting with the body and practicing breath, touch and sound.
I have been doing this practice for the last 3.5 years and the levels of pleasure I experience is something I never dreamed it was possible. The best part, there is no limit on the amount of pleasure you can experience. All it takes is 15 minutes of your time on a regular basis, and you will be filling your own cup. Then when you connect with another person, you are doing so from a place of wholeness, and not a place of lack or neediness.
Give it a try, I know you will not regret it! If you have questions or comments, get in touch!
