by Bia Bliss
Disconnecting from the body is a common coping mechanism for many people who have experienced childhood trauma. I know this from personal experience, having shut down my emotions and disconnected from my body for decades due to regular physical, emotional and psychological abuse as a child. For years, feeling deeply was too overwhelming and made me too vulnerable, so I learned to push my emotions aside and numb my body, so I didn’t have to experience physical pain.
Disconnecting from the body may seem like a necessary survival mechanism growing up, but it comes with a high cost, and the long-term consequences can be severe:
- We miss out on the full range of experiences and sensations that life has to offer.
- We become less present in our daily lives and in our relationships with self and others.
- When it comes to sex and pleasure, our disconnection from our bodies can lead to a more shallow and one-dimensional experience that is focused on achieving a certain outcome rather than experiencing pleasure and intimacy.
For most of my life, sex was always about performance and goal-oriented outcomes, rather than the experience of pleasure itself. I was disconnected from my body and unable to fully be present with the experience.
It wasn’t until I discovered body-based therapies that I realized how much I had been missing out on. As the saying goes: if you don’t know what you don’t know, you don’t know what you are missing out on”.
Over time, I have learned to slow down, notice, and feel through body-focused exercises, such as awareness of the breath, body scan and mindful touch.
Reconnecting with my body has been a journey that requires vulnerability and courage, but the rewards are immeasurable.
I’ve been able to gently and slowly digest the survival patterns created by my childhood traumatic experiences, and I’ve learned to expand my capacity to fully experience pleasure without shutting down or relying on another person to give it to me.
Connecting to our bodies is not only essential for increasing the quality of daily life, but it greatly improves sexual experiences with a partner too.
By practicing body-focused exercises and learning to feel the feelings, we are able to connect more deeply with ourselves and our partners during sex.
Pleasure can be experienced on a whole new level, and not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well. We can become more present in the moment and connect with our partners in an authentic and fulfilling way.
I used to think that feeling deeply was too overwhelming, but now I know that feeling my feelings is a source of empowerment. When we embrace the fullness of our bodies and emotions, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and can create more meaningful connections with ourselves and our partners.
Since I’ve learned to feel all the feelings and become more comfortable in my body, life has opened up in ways I never dreamed were possible.
Through my own experience, I have come to realize that feeling deeply is not overwhelming, it is actually liberating. It's a gateway to authenticity, feeling empowered and ultimately free from the chains of the past.
Reconnecting with your body may take time and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable.
This journey of embodiment has led me to the work I do today, where I help others learn how to reconnect and feel their bodies. Please subscribe to be notified when I publish another article.
